Choices

I believe in something called agency. Others might call it choice. All of us get to make our own choices. We expect others to allow us to make our own decisions. And yet, it seems that when it comes to children and adults...there are many adults that expect to be able to make choices for the children that are involved. When children are very small we do make choices for them. At some point they need to do that for themselves.
I've observed parents who say with their words that they allow their children to make their own choices and yet still have a very heavy hand in influencing that choice. It affects the child enough that they end up choosing what they know the adult would have them choose just because it ends up being easier. The child might not want to disappoint, seem rebellious, receive the promised 'consequence', feel unloved, or any other number of reasons. They might just want to keep the peace.
As the adult we need to let go. It's their decision not ours. It's their life nor ours. They need to learn to make decisions. They need to feel the autonomy. One day we will turn around and they will be grown. The all important life skill of decision making is critical for them to acquire. And just like everything else...it takes practice.

Belief Parenting

I have discovered something new. There have been times when others have asked me about parenting and parenting styles or strategies. I attempt to answer their questions according to the specific scenario because truthfully - I don't have a specific parenting philosophy that I follow.
I realized what I do is have a certain set of beliefs. There's also the factor of who I am...my personality, characteristics, and temperament. There are multiple factors that come into play. It's all of those things that make the parent that I am. It's not a specific system or strategy that I use every time.
I just realized a post in November talks about this very thing. I guess I've been doing more thinking. I've also given it a name - for now. Belief Parenting.

Parenting Style

I have had several people tell me I need to share some of my parenting strategies...that they think I have a unique way of parenting and that I should share it with others.
I have been thinking about that. I realized that yes - there are certain things I do and don't do as a parent. I also realized that for me it's more of who I am and what my philosophies are that make the biggest difference. I will need to figure out how to articulate those so I have something to share. There are things I have thought about and processed. There are things that I haven't really given much thought. So, it's time to do all of that and start sharing once I get it all figured out.

Keep Close

During this Christmas time I've noticed that so many pictures show Mary and the baby Jesus snuggling. They show her laying down next to the child. I saw a picture again this morning where the closeness was there. It made me think of how parenting is not about all the running around we might do. It doesn't matter if it's getting kids to their activities, cleaning the house, or making sure they have their homework done. Those might be things parents do because we feel it's part of the job description. But, are they really? The main role of a parent is to be close to their child. It's to hold them close when they're happy and hold them closer when they're not. I'm not suggesting life is always about snuggling. It doesn't need to be a physical closeness. If our children get older and feel like they can't talk to us...who cares if the floor was just swept? If I had to decide between rushing off to a dance class or strengthening a relationship, I'd choose the relationship. I would choose the child. I would stop, I would listen, I would support. The class is for the child. But, relationships and people...those are for a lifetime. I'm going to be more conscious of choosing as Mary did with Jesus. Hold on for as long as I can because before I know it...it will be time to let go. I want to be sure that when the time comes to let go I will have a sure knowledge that I have a strong relationship with that child. And, even though they might be living somewhere else and I'm not aware of each decision...I want to know we still have that bond. I want that child to have no doubt they can still come and I will still stop and listen, I will still support. I will still love unconditionally and hold them close - no matter how far away they are at the time.

Friends and Religion

Posted as a comment on a parenting Facebook page for LDS families


Our family enjoys being friends with a variety of people. I think it makes our life richer to have the variety. I also want them to know that not everyone is just like them and how to work through differences when necessary. We still give serious consideration to values. We try to look for friends who have high/strong values and those who will support our values. I like to know the families/parents before having our kids go to another person's house. I've had friends/parents who are not LDS ask why some LDS families don't let their kids play with those who are not of the same religion. I don't have an answer for them...because, it really doesn't make sense to me. I just had to throw that out there to illustrate the point that people are watching - some very closely. So, I don't think it's a religion thing - it's a values/behavior thing. (A couple of years ago my oldest had a friend that we finally had to just say my son needed to be done going to his home. It wasn't a dramatic thing - they had started at different schools after being at the same school for several years so it wasn't too awkward. There were some media choices being made at their home that we felt were not appropriate. There were also conversations that were very disrespectful toward women. We knew that our son needed a better environment. It was a good experience in choosing friends with good values and behavior that reflected those values - regardless of religion.)

Courageous Parenting

This is a General Conference talk given in October 2010 by Elder Larry R. Lawrence (of the 70).

Courageous Parenting

The song that is going through my mind right now is one that was used as an annual theme song for the youth a few years ago. Be Strong. Some of the lyrics...'Be strong and of good courage, be not afraid, stand firm in the faith, and the Lord thy God will bless thee...'. I can't remember who the artist is right now.

I've read this talk, I guess now I need to listen to the song.

We need to remember to have the courage to say no when needed and yes to the all of the good.

Education for Real Life

I'm currently studying this talk. It speaks truth to me. I feel like it's important to take care of the spiritual first. It will help us to as we strive to help our kids with their secular learning and the life skills they need to function well in this somewhat crazy world of ours.

Thank you President Eyring.

Education for Real Life